I am so hard on myself. I've been sick for the past 2 weeks, and I haven't been able to go to the gym in all that time. Truth be told, I wasn't going as much as I would have liked in the few weeks before that, either. And even though I am still losing weight, it's just not enough anymore. Maybe because I am afraid that if I don't go to the gym, I won't be losing in the "right" way, and then all the weight could come back. Which is foolish--even if a few pounds were to come back, I would, um, NOTICE.

Want to hear something silly? I'm afraid that someone will stumble onto this blog, and read only the most recent entry, and assume I am one of those stick thin girls who think they are fat at 105. Which goes to show 1. my ultimate lack of faith in others and myself and 2. how strongly I still identify with my heavier self. Put me in a room full of people, I would stay as far away from the tall, thin girls as possible. Not that I've ever been tall, but I could maybe call myself thin, someday. Some people even call me thin now, but I'm just not there yet--still have 15 pounds I want to lose. Which brings me to this:

51 pounds gone! Yes, of course I am proud of that milestone. It's a lot. I've finally reached an amount where I can't try to convince myself that I haven't lost that much. 51 pounds is a lot.