How cool would it be to say, "I've lost 50 pounds"? 50 is the kind of number no one can argue with. 50 means business. 50 would put me at 141. I know a part of me thought I would have to get some kind of wasting disease to ever see that number. But here I am, sitting pretty at -39, just a stone's throw away! 39 is inviting 50 over for tea!

I am trying to be as positive as I can. I've been beating myself up lately, and I shouldn't. The people around me are pretty divided--half think I'm amazing, the other half think I must be starving myself. It's hard, because I would like to stop, in a way. I want to stop thinking about it, and just know that I am healthy. But I know I'm not as healthy as I could be, so it continues.

I am also a little scared, maybe, to see how far I could go. Not weight-wise, oddly enough. But, if I can wear an 8 now, I could certainly wear a 6 someday. Could I ever wear a 2? I don't think I would want to. But, if I get to 125, and a 4 is what fits, what then? Something about 4 sounds too skinny! How crazy would it be to say, "I'm too skinny" instead of "I'm too fat"?