Ask and ye shall receive, or something.

I bought a new dress a size smaller than anything I've fit into since the 7th grade. Two sizes smaller than my wedding dress! Can't lie--the buzz from that fact has not yet worn off, and I bought the dress 3 days ago. This is actually working! I can do this!

This is where it gets boring. The doldrums. I've lost almost 20 pounds, I'm 3 months into it, and I'm not going to stop. But the end is still so far away.

I do feel my perspective changing. What constitutes a healthy meal or snack, what a portion is. I am definitely full faster, but I still miss food. I miss the thought of eating whatever I want. But since that's what got me here in the first place, that has to go out the window.

Annoying part of this whole mess is that I can't find a pair of pants that fit. Every pair of pants I have is too big somewhere--hips, butt, thighs, waist, or all of the above. I'm starting to look like a clown in pinstripe pants. But a smaller size is still a no-go. How much do I have to lose to go down a size, dagnabit!

I can't lie--the past two weeks have sucked. A combination of pulling every muscle in my body, then getting some flu-like bug has made going to the gym nearly impossible. The strange thing is, I am not even mad at myself. If I'm hurt, I'm hurt. If I'm sick, I'm sick. Why force myself onto a treadmill when all I want to do is sit on the couch? Granted, I love the couch even when I'm not sick, but I'm always--always--up and doing something every 15 minutes. If I'm only capable of watching Ace of Cakes, I'm ok with that.

Still kinda down about how long this process is actually going to take. My MIL is going to visit this July. At the rate I'm losing, I should be down about 30 pounds by then--which is a HUGE accomplishment, and it gives me chills just to think about it. But I keep wishing for just a few more pounds. Probably because I want just a little less work.

Pretty sore right now--I'm working really hard at still going to the gym four times a week. This week has been the toughest yet; I'm finding it really hard to stay motivated. I usually don't have trouble doing the cardio part, but at the end of 45 minutes, for whatever reason it's almost impossible to go over to the weight machines. I know that it's super important to use weights for about a billion reasons, but I still kind of hate it. And since I use them so infrequently (1-2 times a week) when I do, I feel it. Hence, the soreness. I feel like I need a nap right now.

Trying to remain positive, even though I seem to have hit another plateau. I just wish I could fast forward through time--maybe a year from now, when I'm finally at the other end.

I tried to go clothes shopping a little bit last night, and it was a very odd experience. I feel like I'm in a between stage--too big for one size, too small for another. I'm much more bottom heavy than top, so dresses are always a crap shoot. Jackets are too big the chest (why do I have to lose what little I have in my damn boobs!) but a little too tight in the arms, still. Pants may fit in the waist, but are about 4 inches too long in the leg, and I'm not getting everything tailored when I will (hopefully) need a smaller size in a month. I ended up buying a belt, and I have never worn one in my life. (Because I could never find one that fit, but that's another story.) I feel very conscious of it, like right after I got my nose pierced for the first time. Surely everyone must notice that I'm wearing a belt!

Proof that food habits are changing: 1. I ate fish again last night, a new kind, and I liked it. 2. I was full so fast, I thought there might be something wrong. You mean, I chewed my food and didn't mindlessly swallow? Yes, it's true! The world has been torn asunder! Jess took more food than she needed, and didn't eat it all simply because it was on her plate!